Ever Since I Stopped Eating Animals (A Holiday Meditation)

OK, I'm not saying there's a cause and effect, or even a meaningful correlation between my decision to stop nibbling on Elsie, Porky, and Bambi (wait -- I've never even tried Bambi) and the interesting things that have happened to me these past few months.  But as Freud once said, there are no accidents, and whatever you may think, all these things have happened -- or are happening -- since I stopped eating animals:

 1. My cat cries less at night (perhaps in silent solidarity, but I doubt it.  He's still eating meat).

2. My Twitter following has grown by ten percent (though I am not meeting any vegetarians).

3. People walk up to me, and greet me (maybe I'm just noticing this).

4.  I am connecting more with my Puerto Rican roots (thinking more about other Latino "roots," like yucca, malanga, yautia -- I am always hungry).

5.  My wife smiles at me more (perhaps because I'm spending more time at the dinner table -- I am always hungry).

6. I find myself picking up the phone more ... when it rings! (True story.  AT&T has the records to prove it).

7.  I am making more money (OK, I was able to afford to give myself a raise -- the first one in two years after two self-imposed pay cuts).

8. My car responds better to my foot on the pedal.

9. Oh, right, I have a new car (my first in ten years).

10. Why do birds suddenly appear, everytime I am near? Maybe I'm just imagining this (I am always hungry).